I just happened to have my YouTube running, while I was working on one of my websites and I heard this song which caught my attention.
It happened to be ONE OK ROCK’s “Stand Out Fit In” but when I watched the music video from the beginning, I suppose I didn’t imagine how much the video would hit me. It was to the point where I was shedding tears because memories of my childhood came back.
In the music video, we see a young kid going to a school who is primarily all Caucasian kids. Being bullied because his clothes were different, he looked different, didn’t eat the same foods as him.
Then fast forward where he now is a teenager, assimilated and is hanging out with other kids of different ethnicity and how he’s changed.
I grew up in a town at the time when many Asians didn’t live in the area. Asian families were few and for the most part, if you were an athlete, wore the cool clothes and popular, you fit in.
Unfortunately, as hard as I tried to fit in, I didn’t.
I was not an athlete nor did I wear cool clothes. My family couldn’t afford it, as they worked hard to provide for us. But it was hard growing up, not having the brand named clothes, not being cool enough. If anything, I was the stereotypical Asian child, very smart in school, with a bowl haircut.
I was bullied because I was not popular or cool, because I didn’t have the cool clothes and I pretty much went through school being called Chinese names.
I desperately wanted to not be the kid that I was being pigeonholed to be and I started to rebel against my parents, not wanting to be the smart kid and later when I got into high school, I tried to be different.
But unfortunately we were reminded that while times were changing, some things don’t change and our home was destroyed, words of “Go home Japs” spray painted on our house, vehicles destroyed and my parents, couldn’t understand why this happened to us.
I mentioned in a previous blog of how this experience was the catalyst for me to learn about Japanese culture because I’m not Japanese, I’m Filipino-American.
And while I grew up and would discover more Asians in college, become editor-in-chief of an Asian American publication through college, run a popular Asian entertainment website, founded a social club for Japanese members and those who appreciate Japanese culture and much more, it was a life that I cherished because I finally found people, who were like me and made me fit right in.
But after college, it was like a whole new chapter where I left the comfort of being with people who were Asian and back to a life where we assimilate with society and this time, as an adult, do things to become a better person, learn from your hardships and do something with your life.
And while I’m grateful to my family, parents and friends who were a great source of support all my life, watching this music video ONE OK ROCK is reminder of the life I once had. Has it affected me as an adult?
I believe so. I think that’s why I have so many shoes and clothes because I grew up not having those things and now that I can afford it, I find myself buying it. I didn’t realize how much it affected me growing up, but it did.
Going back to the video, I know there are kids who are feeling this way right now, being the outsider (it’s not just by race) and it’s hard and it’s painful. As you get older, you are in charge of your own destiny to make things better.
What you don’t want to do is fall in the path of darkness, to the point that you feel that life is not worth living or you want to cause harm to yourself.
Rechannel that anger, that frustration and that pain into something positive.
Sure it’s important to be part of that melting pot that makes America so great. But it’s also important to not deny your own culture. Find ways to appreciate your own culture but also other cultures. Learn. Discover. And you’ll realize how thrilling it is to discover something new and different things and hey, it may lead you to traveling the world and seeing what the world has to offer.
What makes you different is what makes you special.
